Andrea Hausheer

Have you ever heard of doctor Nils Bergman? Or Kangaroo Mother Care?  Me neither- until I was pregnant. I stumbled over two articles by accident. 

The first one was from a couple in Australia. They told their unbelievable story, how they saved their twin baby boy, who was clinically dead. After the doctors told them that they have to say goodbye to their second child, the mother took off her shirt, told her husband to take off his shirt, and to get into the hospital bed and to keep their naked son skin-to-skin. She had known and read about Kangaroo Mother Care skin-to-skin. She realized that this would be their last chance to save their son Jamie. After lying there, all together, skin-to-skin and talking to their newborn, Jamie started to move. Jamie survived. Today he is 10 years old, even though doctors told them that he was already dead.

The second article I read was from Mary Walters, Director of Maternal Child Nursing at Grant Medical Center in Columbus, Ohio. She told the story of a mother who delivered a term infant who was doing well. The mother started having medical problems though, that resulted in Level 1 Trauma Intensive Care. Within 24 hours of giving birth she had an emergency total hysterectomy and came out of surgery on a ventilator. The prognosis was that she would die. Her blood pressure would not stabilize and her heart rate was wildly tachycardic. When Mary heard about this, she took the healthy term newborn to the unconscious mother knowing that the infant needed to be with its mother, at least once. As soon as the infant was placed in Kangaroo Care, on her belly, she moved both arms to embraced the infant even though she was still unconscious. The baby stayed for two hours and went to her breast. The mothers blood pressure then stabilized and dropped from its abnormal high. Also her heart rate dropped. Realizing this improvement, the infant was brought to the unconscious mother, two times a day, for 2-4 hours. Each time she instinctually brought both arms up to embrace her infant as long as the infant was on her chest. The infant went to her breast and then slept. The mother’s vital signs kept improving day by day. She lived and went home healthy with her newborn. 

Nils Bergmann and his wife Jill have been doing research about skin-to-skin for over 24 years. The WHO (World Health Organisation) recommended for the first time in 2012 that skin-to-skin is recommended for at least the first hour after giving birth. So it is your right to stay with your baby (unless it is in danger or you are) after giving birth. All the measuring and weighing can wait!

Hospitals that are up-to-date with best practice and evidence-based medicine will strive to keep mother and baby together for the first hour. More and more hospitals even support cesarians with immediate skin-to-skin contact after the baby is out. 

In the first 8 weeks of life, skin-to-skin contact is the most important stimulant for the development of the brain. Bergmann says that continuous physical contact is an essential requirement if the fundamental structures of the brain are to be developed in a healthy way. I’m certain that by now, we all realize how important skin-to-skin really is. 

Skin-to-skin is not only for your baby but also for you and your partner.

Skin-to-skin is one of the most important aspects of care you can give each other. Especially (but not only) when:

• Your baby is premature
• When the mother has postnatal depressions
• When breastfeeding is difficult
• When bonding between baby and parents is necessary
• To reach the optimal body temperature of the baby
• To produce more breastmilk
• (and so on and so on.)

If you think about it in a very natural way, touching and being touched are fundamental ways in which humans interact and also are beneficial to our health and well-being. Babies and children need to be touched almost as much as they need food and water. Unfortunately, we touch and get touched less and less when we become adults. As natural as it is for us to touch our baby, it can sometimes be difficult to touch our partners (especially after a disagreement or a fight). Additionally, there might be stressful times, a new living situation, or no sleep and touching gets reduced- even though it would be more necessary! 

Touching activates parts of the brain that are crucial for social bonding. Studies show it reduces stress and blood pressure. Touching also releases oxytocin which is referred to as the love hormone. Oxytocin levels increase during hugging and lovemaking. Life can sometimes seem like a never ending rush- especially with a newborn. So hugging and touching your partner can go a long way toward strengthening a relationship.

Touch more and bring back the spark- not only for your baby but for your partner as well! 

-Andrea

Resources and Links

1. https://kangaroomothercare.com/about-kmc/
2. https://extranet.who.int/rhl/topics/newborn-health/care-newborn-infant/who-recommendation-skin-skin-contact-during-first-hour-after-birth
3. https://kangaroomothercare.com/files/documentsword/benefitssscdownload.docx
4. https://www.ba-bamail.com/content.aspx?emailid=30723

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We have a certain idea in our head, how the perfect birth should be. Looking back, it often turns out to be different- that we would do things differently. We are learning every day from making mistakes and it’s just part of being human.

Giving birth is one of those things you don’t know really know what to expect.

How will you deal with the pain? Who is going to be on duty (doctor, midwife) ? How is your partner going to react? How will you (as a Mamma) turn into a very different person? And then, there is always the question- “What if it all goes wrong?” We like the idea that we can leave it to the doctors, who are professionals…

However, if things go wrong I often hear that the hospital, doctor, midwife/partner, room, location … takes the blame.

And I understand very well, because somehow the giving birth experience was different than expected. But it’s not necessarily the doctor’s or midwife’s fault. It’s often our fault because we never had a clear idea of what we actually wanted. We are also not aware of our rights, for example, like changing a midwife in case it doesn’t work well together.

We seem to have too little time to focus on our own birth.

Considering that this, on average, it only happens 1-3 times in our life- we should put some more effort into it!

Compare it to marriage. (And maybe you are one of the “lucky” ones who gets married 3 times in a lifetime, haha, j/k) One thing is for sure- your wedding was well thought through!

I needed a wake up call and so did my partner. We were busy and had “no time”. Then, an angel called Midwife Mary Malloy changed our whole view. Without this wake up call we probably would have “planned“ our birth differently. And we are happy we did not. I knew that I found the place where I wanted to give birth, I knew my rights, I knew my partner is ready to react and to JUST be there for me. I felt safe.

There is no need to feel worried or overwhelmed when you are thinking about your birth.

Excited yes!

Questions about your birth? Contact Us Below!

Ladies, what would be your first reaction when it comes to a soccer game you have to play along? Joining in a competition that goes on the whole day and never really stops? Where you (most probably) don’t understand the rules, and maybe after a few games you’ve just had enough. You rather leave this to men. Think about it- many men have the same feeling when it comes to birth. (BTW- I’m definitely not trying to compare giving birth to a soccer game. It’s the feeling I’m referring to- when you’re not really sure what’s going on and you feel left out). In lots of countries, it is still a habit that only women attend the birth. The men are outside waiting. It is a very warm and supportive environment. And women can give this to each other (maybe) in a more natural way than men.

Since men would like to be our heroes, not knowing what to do, or doing something wrong, is pretty terrifying for them.

Talking to relatives and friends, I am still getting the feedback that the partner felt left out during their child’s birth. He did not know what to do anymore, what to say, or how to make her feel comfortable. Some of the men even suffered to see her in such pain. Some fainted… yes, you hear pretty much everything.

This concept has changed a lot, compared to 40 years ago- that men are expected to be there during the birth. I understand that you want your partner next to you for the Big Day. And this is totally manageable! Just give your partner the time he needs, to get excited. Train for it! Every day. 5 Minutes. And it will be FUN!

(Careful: you might fall head over heals in love again!)

I became pregnant in October 2017. I didn’t really have any idea about giving birth, nor what to expect, nor where to go when the big day would be here. It was very busy at the time and saw it as something happening in the future. My partner was not really sure if he wanted to attend the birth. He was unsure what his role would be and how to offer emotional support during my pregnancy. 

Meeting the right midwife/ doula changed our whole idea of giving birth, and that we would do it together. 

We suddenly understood that this birth is up to us, to make it a special experience, and that if we didn’t say what we wanted, that other people (hospitals, doctors, family members) would make the decisions for us. We realized how important it is that we need to take our child’s birth into our own hands. 

I am still hearing stories from hospitals all over Europe and the USA where babies get taken away from the mother after birth. I hear about hospitals that don’t know about skin-to-skin after birth or even after a Cesarean. Mothers get stressed out from midwives and doctors because the birth process is not moving fast enough. This is wrong and it hurts me every time I hear stories like it. 

People decide for us and our babies’ own “well being“. What often gets left behind is a mother who is very happy to have her newborn but also very frustrated as she most probably imagined the outcome to be slightly different. And a partner who is still confused what his/her role should have been… 

From partners I still hear that they don’t feel integrated enough. They just don’t know what to say anymore, after they asked for the 40th time if she is ok? (She is not!) 

You will NEED your partner as your COACH.

Giving birth is a one (two or three?) time experience you will have in your life.  Make this a special experience- together with your partner. Your partner makes sure that you will be safe and taken care of, that you can handle the pain and your wishes are met. And I am telling you- your partner will be as busy as you are…. 

I wish you a happy, healthy pregnancy! If you have any questions or if there is any way I can help make your birth experience more incredible, please let me know!

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